My First Rodeo

Growing up in Houston, TX the Rodeo was a huge thing. It was the event of the year and for me, as someone that took art as my extracurricular in high school, it was the time of year when I had to yet again paint/draw rodeo related objects. Our art teachers always encouraged us to submit our pieces to the rodeo art competitions and so we always had to participate. Though I love art and creating, I always recall my first rodeo experience with dread. There were hundreds of schools and artworks competing, so many people it was like you were swimming, and when it came time for the art judging it felt like the whole world was looking at you. Truly dreadful.

I still feel similarly every time I’m about to try something new and worth doing. It’s the same scared feeling I had at 15, at my first rodeo, and makes me want to run away. But at the beginning of this year, I told myself whenever I feel that pit in my stomach, to do it anyway and do it scared. Since then, I have done tons of new things including: jumping off a log into a lake, swimming in a glacier lake, paddle boarding on the ocean, starting a business, making new friends, publishing a website, writing blog posts, going to chess club night to learn chess, working at a plant nursery, selling my stuff at an art market, and this year isn’t even over yet! I am the most tan I have been since moving to Washington and it’s because I was willing to do things while I was scared. Had I not, I wouldn’t have had such amazing memories and wouldn’t have seen the sun as much as I have.

I’ll let you in on another secret too, I used to purposely not try my best at my rodeo art. Because if I was judged lacking, I could always hide behind the fact that I didn’t put my all into it and that hurt less than being found lacking after I gave it my all. I had to learn the hard way that each time I did that, it made it hiding myself away a habit and when it came time to try my best at something I cared about, all the fear of judgment compounded and made it seem impossible. But you see, fear is almost always bigger than the actual thing. In my experience, on the other side of fear is a hot moment of panic and regret, and then immediately followed by release and pride. Because even if it didn’t go the way you planned, you did it. That feeling of overcoming your fear is quite addictive. And if you’re not careful you might find yourself collecting all these new experiences, learning to trust yourself again, and proving to yourself over and over again that you can do anything. And wouldn’t that be such a shame?