The year I turned 30
Growing up, I was never the type to stray the beaten path. It was easy to follow and everyone else was going the same direction and that made it fun. Going through the same challenges and figuring it out together, never really having to be alone in the struggle cause someone else had been through the same thing before. Less scary.
Then I turned 29. I was a senior project manager at a corporate company and things were going really well. I liked my job because I got to work with really cool people, work on cool projects, and it wasn’t bad. It just wasn’t entirely me. Every morning, I put on a mask for work and did my daily performance - I had it down to a tee, just going through the motions. I had also gotten to a point in my career where I was working with the people living my future and what I saw, gave me heart burn. Working crazy hours and balancing office politics filled me with dread. Then, in the midst of my growing uncertainty, one of my coworkers suddenly passed. He was someone that I got to work with during a previous project and was always so full of life, caring, kind, helpful, and had an amazing laugh that never failed to bring a smile to my face. He made everyone’s day brighter and was someone you could really count on. I truly enjoyed knowing him, and even now find it hard to believe he’s gone.
It was devastating, I had never had someone I knew personally pass before and it scared me. The company’s response was sterile and HR appropriate - that was the final nail in the coffin. My heart couldn’t continue working at a place where someone’s passing was treated as business as usual. At this point, I felt disappointed and at a loss, not sure what future I was working towards in the first place and so upset that someone’s entire life could be reduced to a short email. I was burnt out and couldn’t bear to put my mask on to do my daily performance anymore, so I quit and took the summer off.
Here I was at the brink of the big 3-0, and instead of feeling sure and confident about my future - I was a mess, feeling so lost and uncertain. But alas, time stands still for no one, and I turned 30 anyway.
But somehow, I wouldn’t want to start my 30’s any other way…